i want..

someone to cuddle with me in bed,

all night and all day.

and someone who will accept me for all my craziness..

and who will always be there for me,

and who will kiss when i want,

and hold me when i need to be held.

and who will..

just be with me,

and love me,

and I NEED TO FALL IN LOVE.
anyone?

:]

obsession.

I've got a very odd obsession with pictures of people smoking..

I just can't explain it, something about it is so attractive..

wdydwyd?

why do you do what you do?

What sort of stupid question is this??

Why does anyone do the things they do? I can sure as hell tell you i have no idea why i do the things i do.

to

I do the things i do because:

- i can't help myself.

-this could be my only chance to do it.

-i just don't care.

-i don't know how to change.

-i want to find out who i am and who i want to become.

-i need to experience everything in order to figure it all out.

But really, no. Technically, these are just all excuses for me to use to explain all the stupid stuff i get into. It would be nice to know why i do the things i do. Or why anyone does the things they do. But i can't explain it, i can't even start to explain it. I guess really the only thing i can say is:

I do the things i do because that's just the way i like to do things.

Not a deep explanation at all. Just the truth. Ah man, sorry for the rambling. I've obviously had a rough couple of days. The stupid decisions and the lack of sleep are all catching up with me.

Introducing..

The Swindlers:

(Out of Orem, UT)

Door: Vocals

Chris Fallo: Guitar

Marc Leach: Drums

Jason Clift: Bass

Check them out, they're amazing:

http://www.myspace.com/swindlersut

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Swindlers/104650666235114?ref=ts

Favorites of Today:

Top Favorite Moments of the Day:

1. Being scheduled to work 6 hours, and only working 1.

2. Trying to find Tiana & Joe's wedding reception, and getting lost multiple times.

3. Actually finding the reception, and seeing the cute newlyweds. (And seeing long lost friends Amelia, and Sarah.)

4. Going to coffee twice in one day.

5. Hanging out with just the guys. (Though i could do without all the gross boy talk, and video games.)

--Chris freaking out at my driving, trying to jump out of the car while i was going slow, and trying to eject Kieren from the car while i was going fast. (Also Chris not giving up til I took him to Del Taco, and trying to convince me to take him to the hot pots.

--Door telling me "Don't worry, you'll get it someday" And then not explaining further at all. He says he can't tell me til i understand. Alright, this one was actually just frustrating but, what can ya do.

--Marc telling me he'd give me all his money if i had 18 of his children.

and finally, top moment of the day:

Driving home with Kieren singing Red Hot Chili Peppers at the top of our lungs. The best tradition i've ever come up with.

Birthday Celebrations

There's something i just love about birthday celebrations.

Except for when i have to sneak into my house at 4 in the morning.

I smell trouuuble.

birthday boy doesn't like pictures,

but marc and me doooo.

though we probably shouldn't.

I really need to start taking more pictures.

Happy Birthday Lolo!

Happy Birthday to my best friend Lawrence!!

The Big 2-0.

Even though i know he'll never read this (unless i tell him to) i figured i'd give him a nice little shout out. Since he's one of the best friends ever. So here's a nice little list as to why i love him, and why he should have the best birthday ever:

-He's always there for me. If i need him for coffee, or to talk to, or if i'm lost in the mountains, he'll be there for me, always.

- He goes on the most ridiculous adventures with me. If i want to go up to random cabins, or into the mountains, or onto peoples roofs, for no apparent reason, he's right there beside me. He's even right beside me when i find random drunk people at the gas station and want to hang out with them..even though we've never met. Not too many people would be there for that.

-He makes me laugh more than any one else in the world. (Mostly because he's retarded?)

- He gives great advice. I was having this big huge dilemma last night, and although he never texted back for hours when i asked him what to do.. he eventually got back to me with "just do whatever makes you happy.."

Theres plenty of other reasons i love him. But, i've got to go get ready for his birthday lunch..

Lunch: completely unsuccessful.

4 out of 14 people showed up for the lunch. So we ditched it and got coffee. You just can't expect anything from our group of friends, nobody wakes up before noon. Hell, i don't know how i woke up before noon.

sneaky sneaky..

sneaking out.

sneaking kisses.

:]

Oh, and NO,

I'm not in love.

I don't even know if i'm in like.

I don't plan on being in love any time soon.

[we've talked about this commitment thing..]

But,

I am having fun.

And i feel super happy after a night like this one.

Discoveries of the day.

I discovered a few things today..

1. I hate being grounded.

Now did i just figure that out, or did i always know that? I'm sure i always knew that. It's starting to get a little less worse. I was at least able to go out today. So we're making some progress. (Though i'm sneaking out tonight, and theres a big chance i'll get caught.. eff.)

2. Weeds is the best show in the world.

I am now on season 3. I didn't discover this today.. but.. i'm putting it here.

3. I have the greatest friends.

I already knew this too actually. But it's really great to me that even when i can't go out and play every night with all my friends, or when i can't really go out at all, Marc and Lawrence will always go sit for hours with me and drink coffee and talk.

4. I have an addiction to Dateline.

Alright, i actually knew all of this, except the last one, so i haven't actually made any new discoveries. I lied. Bite me.

Oh, wait, here's a new one.

5. I'm not any good at blogging. I read everyone elses blogs and they're all deep, and thought-filled, and here i am sitting here ranting. Not even using correct grammar, or trying to make myself sound creative or smart. But hey, i'm have never wanted to be, or ever plan on being, a writer of any sorts. So i'ma do what i want.

So sorry, for anyone (if anyone?) actually is reading these. I like blogging. So there.

Just a few things..

Let's start off my morning with a little bit of angry ranting:

--Why is it that every time i toss and turn and can't fall asleep AT ALL, [Or at least not til 4 o clock in the freakin morning,] that i wake up super super early, and can't get back to sleep. I really think it is the most frustrating thing in the world. Especially because i cannot keep myself occupied all day. I have a broken foot, i'm grounded, there is nothing to do at all.

But i'm keeping a positive outlook about all this, right? Riiiiiiiight.

On to the next item of business, a little less angry, alright, a lot less angry, just more contemplative.

I

do

believe

that

i

[[finally]]

like

someone..

But, I'm the queen of non-commitment, and i get scared to death and run away with the first sign of something serious. So we'll see what happens. I'll keep you posted, or I won't. I just really feel it's about time for me to get over this, and give it a try. I do think i've been saying that for the past who knows how long though, and so far, i've had no luck.

Anways, i must go enjoy this beautiful cripply grounded day. I'll probably be back. You can't keep me away for long, and hey..

what the hell else am i gonna do?

i should not be allowed with a camera.

this is what becomes of me when i'm grounded:

But really! I'm so bored, i'm going crazy. It's a frikkin holiday, i should not be locked in my room. I should be out partying and blowing things up. Happy 24th of Julyyy. Enjoy your freedom that i envy oh so much.

Grounded Again!!

Man oh man oh man oh man. Sometimes i hate not being 18. Oh wait, i always hate not being 18. I snuck out last night, and got caught tip-toeing at 5 in the morning. Why my mom was awake, i don't know!

Was it worth it?

i'm gonna go with YES.

I met some very fantastic people, and had a very wonderful time.

But really? No car (again!). No going out (again!). No freedom at all (again!). And oh wait, theres a new one.. I have to give my mom my phone at 10 so that i can't contact anyone to sneak me out. So freakin dumb. Dumb dumb dumb.

Just give me a week and I'll be sneaking out again :]

This is just going to mean a lot more blogging for me. Which i'm sure you'll love. I just love to rant to absolutely no one to preoccupy my time. Man, i'm cool.

Missing High School?

Yeah. Just had the strangest feeling in the world, i actually miss some parts of high school. I really never thought i would say that. It's not that i miss actually going to school. I just really miss my ballroom team, another thing i never thought i would say..

Not my senior year ballroom team, (not that i didn't love you guys, it's just.. i didn't love you as much as my junior year ballroom team.) It was probably my best year in high school. I had so much fun with the kids on my team. So, rather than sit here and write about how much i miss each and every one of you that i was good friends with..heres a photo montage of that year. :]

Guilty Pleasure?

Green Day.

I will forever be in love with that band and i don't know why. The only reason i'm telling you about this is because I recently heard about American Idiot, the Green Day Broadway show! If i don't go to this, i will never be complete. So please.. buy me a plane ticket to New York and fulfill my dreams.

I can. I am.

Power

I can make the earth stop in
it's tracks. I made the
blue cars go away.

I can make myself invisible or small.
I can become gigantic & reach the
farthest things. I can change
the course of nature.
I can place myself anywhere in
space or time.
I can summon the dead.
I can perceive events on other worlds,
in my deepest inner mind.
& in the mind of others.

I can.

I am.

Jim Morrison is a GOD. There's something about this poem that i just can't get over. I'm getting the last 2 lines tattooed on me the day i turn 18. It's just going to be a constant reminder that i'm the only one who has any control over myself, and i can do whatever and be whoever i want. Just thought i'd share that since i was reading my Jim Morrison poetry just barely..

--b

Let's try this again..

I do believe that this is the 4th blog i've tried to start.. but hey, who's counting right? I'm back to try this again, if it doesn't work this time, then obviously this is not the thing for me.

Let me give you a bit of an explanation of myself, and my life right now.

--First off, i'm Bryttan. duh.

--I have a broken foot. That probably doesn't seem like something to include in the explanation of my life. But oh it is, this foot is giving me more problems than it's worth. It's probably about time to just cut it off. But no, so, I broke my foot on the 18th of June. I was in a boot for 4 weeks, and then i went to a smarty pants Orthopedic Surgeon who decided that i get a cast now because my foot isn't healing at all. Oh but wait, theres more.. there's a 50/50 chance that it still won't healed after 4 weeks in this cast and so i might have to get a screw through my bones and then get another cast for 4 more weeks. Way to ruin my summer dumb boy who broke my foot!

--Let's see..i'm grounded? I guess that's a pretty big deal too. I'm not allowed out past 10:30 all because of some very stupid mistake on my part, which we're not discussing. But i've finally learned how to sneak out so, it's not actually that bad. I just always need people to pick me up and bring me home, which is kindof inconvenient since all my friends lives lightyears away.

There's actually nothing else i can think of right now. You'll learn more about me as we go i'm sure.

Well, enjoy.

--bb